Worthless love dating a married man
Perhaps the best advice you can give someone about having a relationship with a married man is telling her not to even start. As my friend Jenna* told me, "You can't help who you fall in love with.The love of your life just might be a married man." Being part of any couple can be challenging and unpredictable, as we all know. We sit across from one another at the Greasy Spoon diner, reaching over the table to touch hands, caressing thumbs with the tenderness of a violin player. We joke and laugh, we talk, we sit in pure adoration. At the start of it all, the perks of the situation swam happily in my mind. Like most modern women, I felt I only needed a man for one thing, and a coupled lifestyle was not that thing. There would be no awkward morning-afters, no constant phone calls or texts. He loved me and worshipped me and spoke of our future. I know every inch of his face and he knows every inch of mine. If I had never let things progress, I wouldn’t feel the hurt tugging on my heartstrings when we needed to disguise our relationship or feel the jealousy when he went home to his wife, as he always did. I could have all the space I wanted and I would hear no complaints from his end. But what started out as a simple, no-strings-attached relationship (or at least the illusion of one) evolved into much more. Maybe it was the jolt of electricity we both felt when we first met and shook hands or maybe it was our mutual understanding of the other’s troubles. We became each other’s go-to when one of us needed support. Their life together includes friendships and a social network that is shared and comfortable for him. Whether it is because of all the legal and financial problems attached to divorce, religious beliefs or the fact that they have become comfortable with their marriage the way it is -- or even because they still have a certain affection for their wives, men rarely end up with the other woman.Even Katharine Hepburn knew, and accepted, this fact during her long affair with Spencer Tracy.
You need to have a life that works and that is full enough to withstand the pain of the eventual breakup. A solid circle of friends and a social life separate from your hidden life with him is a necessity.
But when the man with whom you're involved is part of another couple, someone else's husband, then the challenge and unpredictability can make your life a messy, unhappy waiting game that you will rarely win.
The woman who is in love with a married man lives a life that, for the most part, is shrouded in secrecy.
Simply because he talks in a negative way about his marriage doesn't mean that his obligations to his wife are any less important to him. No matter how much you may want to walk in the sunshine with him and have him openly acknowledge his love for you, it won't happen. Planning to be together becomes a fascinating game and is thrilling to say the least.
Whether or not they have children is a moot point; he will always feel as if he has to be a husband to her and take care of the marriage, whether he truly loves her or not. While he is more than willing to be your lover and to bring you gifts, he is not about to have you meet his friends and risk having his family find out about you. No matter how nice a guy he is, you are a temporary diversion for him. Stealing hours from work or home to have sex is exciting, and you may mistake his libido-driven passion for undying love. The game soon becomes a chore for him, and romantic interludes are just one more thing he "has to do." 4. Less than 5 percent of men leave their wives for the woman with whom they are having an affair.